A.J's LAnd of Confusion
NEW! Poems
These are poems that i have found, or that i have wrote! enjoy

New poem...i just thought youguys had to read this....
the author is Blondepimptress7@aol.com  you must email her and tell her what you think
High School Hell
They think they know how to hurt him
By screaming faggot down the hall
Little do they know, they cant phase him
It takes more than that to make him fall

They turn away from her in the locker room
Like shes infested with some disease
See her? Shes a dyke just so she hears
No tears will be cried though they stil tease

High school, our home sweet home
Dealing with bigots all day long
Pretending that life is just peachy
As if everyday were a joyful song

Shed your tears for something worth them
Dont let them tear you down
Let your voice shout above the rest
Object at the top of your lungs but you dont have to make a sound

Your words may be left unsaid
But your point is loud and true
Your peers can try to tear you apart
But they cannot take away the pieces of you

God created the rose for women
It represents beauty.
It's petals represent soft skin.
It's leaves represent outstreched arms
Always loving and giving;
Its stem represent the strength.
I give this rose to you, for you are special to me.  Each time you look at the rose, remeber...
You are SOMEBODY.  God didn't take time to make a nobody.

The Way I See You
When I see a kitten...
I think of your playfulness.
When I see a Rose...
I think of your beauty.
When I see a child...
I think of your innocense,
When I see a couple holding hands...
I think of our love.
When I see a butterfly...
I think of your gentleness.
When I see clear blue sky's..
I think of your peacefulness.
When I see rain...
I think of your tears.
When I see the Sunshine...
I see your smile.
There are so many things
that remind me of you
when I look around me!
And I thank God,
for creating them all.
Especially you!

I would hold you everyday, IF I could 
I see you on the other side
but the crowd keeps us apart
we know we want to hold each other
but we don't know where to start
we've danced together in the rain
today we held on in the wind
days like today are rare
when will i get to be near you again
no, nobody saw us
if they did, they'd know we're in love
since the first day you held my hand
your all my heart lets me think of
whenever we break free
from the things that hold us back
it'll be obvious that we have much more
than what they think we lack
i know i can't hold you everyday
but time will make us stronger
but for the chance to be with you
i'd wait forever or even longer 

A Poem by me

The sweat sweet falls off my oily back

My hair rings of salty water.

As the burning water enters my blood shot eyes,

I can only look at the mirror and wish I could wipe it away.

But I can't, for my hands are sitting in cement blocks.

I can't move, I can't blink, I can't even breathe.

I just set there looking at the naked girl

With the black eyes, the freshly new bruises opon her arms and legs.

The sweet enters the cuts and it burns like hell.

I take; I take all of it without a word,

Without movement. I am just sitting there, looking at myself wondering

Who am I? Where am I going?

Can I prove to the world that there is more to me then meets the eye?

Looking past the hair, the clothes, the bruises the cuts, the sadden inner child which is clearly seen.

Really deep down I am not that bad of a person, I promise. Maybe they are right, maybe I deserve to beat myself up. I deserve these scars, hell I guess I did choose this fate, with my choices.




I've got a girl that lives so far away

Sometimes I just don't know what to say

We don't even know each other

but sometimes I feel like I am her mother.

I want to protect her, save her, from all her pain.

The thought of her makes me go insane.

See were both living at 16.

But for some reason are mothers are being mean

They will not let us see each other

Theyre afraid "oh God, not another."

I'm not crazy
I'm fine, really nothing is wrong, i Promise.
Why can't I look at you?
Maybe cause i know I'm not fine.
Maybe I hate lying to you.
I'm trying really hard not 2, but I can't handle
You worrying about me.
Maybe I am crazy

I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't walk
I can't talk
without thinking of you.
You're always there.
You help me when I'm mad.
You help me when I'm in pain.
You talk me down when I'm angry
You listen when I'm depressed.
What do I do for you?
I make you smile
I make you laugh.
I help you when you don't understand.
I captrure the Stars.
I am Your Friend!

The Pain Inside
                          Bottled up emotions,
                          expressed through self-infliction.
                          She can't hide the scars anymore,
                          it's too great of an addiction.
                          She puts up a front
                          to everyone she knows.
                          Hopelessly she tries to find
                          someone to whom she can go.
                          Every night she cuts her arms
                          to try to relieve her pain.
                          The pain that will temporarily go away
                           but her unhappiness will remain.
                           It gives her temporarily relief
                           to watch the blood run down her arm.
                           But what she's really doing
                           is expressing her self through harm.
                           I know a lot about this
                           for i have been there too.
                           And i know that she and i are not        alone
                           for you have been there too.

I'm sitting here smoking a half lit cig, listening to Bad Day by Fuel.  I'm half dizzy and half shaky, thinking about you.  Thinking about us, thinking about how we became "Us".
I wonder why we live so apart.  why we must be patient, when other couples get to take everything for granted.
Man , how I long to see, hear, hold, touch, kiss you.  So many thinkgs I want to share with you. 
My love, my life filled with joy and the pain.  I just would like to see you for an hour and that would make my YEAR.
Isn't it funny how looks and touch don't matter. How we know were together even though we are in different states.  This month has been a month to remeber.
I'll never forget.
Even if we don't last, you'll last in my heart forever.

A Wish For A Life Un-Bent
I wish that i was straight sometimes
As pinnochios nose
i want to be a teenybopper
like on MTV
Screaming out I Love You! to NSync on the stage
buying their CDs
just cos their hot bods are on the cover

I want to have a boyfriend
Some average schmuck
With less than average equipment
And facial hair
That digs into my lip
When i go to kiss him
Some guy with 19 piercings
three tattoos
Who downloads porn from his parents basement
And works at Maccy Ds

I want to be like Barbie
The pin-up of playful men
With plastic-pecced GIJoes vying for affection
While i giggle and flirt
Accesorized to the max
Purses, jewelry, heels, makeup,
Decked out in Forever 21
To talk girly talk
like Omigawd
about mens failure to commit
And how we all really wish we were dating
That guy off Roswell

I want to talk about sex
With my friends
Out in public
To take part in all the things
too damn hard to do as gay
Like hold my lovers hand while shopping
Kiss her at Sweet Tomatoes
or send her flowers at Valentines
Without getting a Look

I want to be straight
To have all these priviledges
So many take for granted
I want to be straight
And feel safe and accepted
like all the other tank-topped, boxered couples
Found necking in any mall
I want to be straight
And still sleep with girls


I am By me (its gotten publishso..)

I am a human and a sinner.
I wonder if I'm forgiven.
I hear how I am a "God-hater" and hell-bound.
I see the condemners, needed to be condemn.
I want you to know who I really am,
I am a human and a sinner.

I pretend to cover up my sinful life.
I feel you breathing down my neck.
I touch the Bible and
I worry, "are they right?"
I cry in terror, then I think
I am a human and a sinner.

I understand I'm not perfect.
I say to myself, "I believe and that's all that matters."
I dream of a tolerant and hate-free world.
I try to imagine life with out fear and
I hope heaven is like it.
I am a Woman and a Homosexual.

Catharsis of the Soul

Lying on the hospital bed
Struck with a pounding rhythm in my head
Feeling as if everything just moves around me in slow motion
But, I don't seem to care; I'm just an outsider of all this commotion

I feel like I'm in a different place
I feel like I'm in a different world
I doubt that after all that's happened I'll embrace
The cruelty of life I've come to know and scold

The IV flows into my vein
As I drift off to sleep
I know I must be strong to face the pain
But then again, how could I? My wound is just too deep

Internal hurt and sorrows just draws forth
As it fills up into my chest
The feeling's just too strong to conquer now
The night is here but I can't seem to rest

The dizziness absorbs me
As my subconscious self calls from within
From all the things that have been happening around me
I feel my body is just worn out thin

I'm on the verge of fainting
I cannot move, I can't get up
I pray for someone to just come and save me
Help me through and lift my spirit up

My pulse is rushing, racing
My heart just skips a beat
And, as my eyes continue to see double
I feel like I should just concede

I thought that I was strong, that I can take it
I thought that I could tolerate the pain
But, really I am on the verge of breaking
And, just keep wondering if I have turned insane?

Truly Life is so ironic---One minute I'm happy I'm alive
The next I'm on a stretcher, rushing to the hospital for help
Wow! Can't it get more stranger?
I wonder as the ambulance unstraps my stretcher's belt

Life can be so cruel at times
I just can't fathom why
Why can't it just be simple?
Why can't it just be full of happiness all time?

I guess I'll never understand
I guess I'm just too dumb
Or maybe it's just not time yet to understand
Maybe sometime later it will come

But, until then, while I keep learning how to deal
I'll try my hardest to keep it real
And, maybe in the end it will turn out all right
Maybe I just made it too dramatic out of fright

In any case, I am just glad
I had the strength to pull it through
And, hopefully the courage I hold inside me
Will have the power to keep guiding me through



Shooting Star

It's cold outside
We wish for warmth
We feel alone
We yearn for someone's touch
The world is upside-down
We pray for peace
The hurt in our life
We hope to leave

This shooting star, that shines so bright
Streaking cross the dark black night
Take away my fears and heal my friends
With these tears, wounds please mend

It's raining out
We wish for light
It's madly storming
Make it all right
The rain has stopped
We wish for a rainbow
A sign our hopes
Haven't gone to waste

This shooting star, that shines so bright
Streaking cross the dark black night
Take away my fears and heal my friends
With these tears, wounds please mend

We hate our life
Take it away
Our friends leave us
I don't want to stay
Make me stop crying
Give me a reason to live
Or end it now
Please don't resist

Everything can't be wrong
There is always tomorrow
We don't know what's ahead
Take away the pain
I can't stand it anymore
It sucks when we aren't lent a hand